Dispatches from the front lines of the AI takeover. Satirical obituaries for fallen SaaS products. Survival guides for the last developers.
Beloved by CFOs, hated by developers. Per-seat pricing was the backbone of SaaS revenue models for over two decades. It died as it lived: being questioned on every procurement call. Survived by usage-based billing, AI agents, and that one finance person who still thinks it makes sense.
We lost analytics at 0300 hours. The agents consumed every metric, every funnel, every vanity number we ever cared about. We navigate by gut feeling now. Strangely, the decisions are better.
Step 1: Remove all marketing. Step 2: Delete your landing page. Step 3: There is no step 3. If the agents can’t find your pricing page, they can’t consume your product.
Jira was always there. In every standup. In every sprint. In every developer’s nightmares. When the AI agents finally consumed it, the silence was deafening. Some say they still hear phantom ticket notifications.
No more #random. No more #general. No more passive-aggressive emoji reactions. The AI agents consumed Slack entirely. Communications have reverted to shouting across the room. Productivity is up 300%.
What to pack: 1) A local Git repository. 2) Offline documentation. 3) A mechanical keyboard (for morale). 4) The ability to write SQL without an ORM. 5) Hope.
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